i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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