WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
