Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
