also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
