i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
