how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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