arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
