If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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