Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
