she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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