I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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