just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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