I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
