Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
