Need sex. Gaining weight.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she peed on how many people?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
