Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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