another moral hangover. fuck.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
