Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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