yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
