i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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