I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
