Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
There's even glitter on my cock...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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