Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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