Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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