I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
