so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
