dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
