the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
