i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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