As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
