i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
