So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
