You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Pooping to opera.
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