thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
