I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
