I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
