sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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