i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
