Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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