If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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