While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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