It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
