My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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