last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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