He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need a beard to bite.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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