TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so let's talk penis.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
