Sponge bath it is.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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