I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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