So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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