I heard we made out
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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