My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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