So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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