He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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