He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
