shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
