Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
