Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Randomize
