I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
