put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
