CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
