so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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