we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
