I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
