I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
