That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
