I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Randomize
