ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
