I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
