small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
