i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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