unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
