There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
