just tell him i said nine months
4 words: hood of his car
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
