Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have fence marks all over my body
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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