Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
