whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
