Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
