I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
FUCK WHALES
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
