Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
