I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
