I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
