My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
